Some Sprite Pictures

Consideration

When I opened my purse today, I was greeted by the familiar smell of super bubble gum.  It instantly took me back to summer camp in 7th grade.  I was feeling lonely and homesick, but then I got a care package from my dad--filled with super bubble and Twizzlers, among other things.  It got me thinking about consideration, this ever-important thing that I always took for granted that everybody just knew how to do.  It turns out, they don't.  Considering others and reaching out to them is something that has to be learned and practiced, just like anything else.

Consideration, I realize, is so important because it's not just consideration: it's a way to show people that you love and respect them all at once, in one meaningful gesture.  Now that I think of it, so many gestures come to mind.

Today, for instance, I'm visiting dad, and when I got up at 7:30, cereal, a bowl, a spoon, napkin, and fruit were waiting for me on the table--arranged and all ready for me to just sit down and eat.  2 cups-worth of hot coffee were in the pot.  Dad was already outside working on this chores, but a little thought and a few minutes of his time made for a welcoming wake-up for me.  My dad has always been a kind person, showing his consideration for me.  When I was younger, sometimes, I would come home to a new knick-knack in my room, and though we did not have much money, he made sure I got important things I needed like a new softball glove or a ride to practice or to be with friends.

My mom and sister are also considerate.  They buy me things here and there if they see something I'd like while they are shopping.  One time recently when I visited mom, she baked a cherry pie for me!  My sister calls me to chat frequently.  In these busy days, she is the one person in my life who will regularly call to see how I am doing.

My friend Jen is considerate down to the details.  Anything she makes me for me is always personalized--it really is made just for me!  And her things always come with stickers that I love--hello kitty or care bears--or her cute drawings.  Whether it is a card or a gift, I know Jen took time out of her life to just think about, to consider, me.  And this is why consideration is so special, so loving, so important.

I imagine that good marriages are steeped with consideration because everyone needs a lot of kind gestures to be reminded they are special and that they are loved.  Some flowers every 6 months isn't enough.  In their own households, people need several kind gestures a day.  I try to do this for Z.  I tell him he looks nice in the morning.  I make his breakfast/lunch, and I make dinner.  I fold his laundry and often put it away, too.  These are part of my chores, yes, but they are also kindnesses that make his day easier.  Sometimes, I am just putting dinner on the table as he gets home from work, and I always get a little jealous.  I wonder what it's like to come home to a hot dinner ready for you.

Consideration is more than just a gesture, too; it is a way of humbly interacting with others.  To be considerate, one cannot be selfish.  Someone who is too bound up up in himself is too worried about what's being done or not done to him.  He is too unable to deal with his own feelings to be able to step outside himself an extend a gesture to someone else.  Also, since the world revolves around him, he sees no reason to need to consider others.  He alienates himself and others.  

Someone who is considerate, on the other hand, steps out of his own concerns, cares, and doings.  He thinks about other people in their situations, independent of himself.  He can objectively and kindly consider: how would she feel about this?  How would she think about this?  What would make her happy or feel loved?  How can I accomplish that?  

Some people are considerate naturally; others need to learn how to do it.  For my family members, I think it has come somewhat naturally.  Granted, they may have had a learning curve, but at least when I was growing up, my parents were kind to me, they still are, and my sister is, too.  

I have always been grateful for my family's kind ways, and I have tried to live my gratitude by being good to others.  None of us are entitled to the kindnesses of others; that is why we should always acknowledge the good that has come our way and then pay it forward.  This is when consideration comes full circle.  

But when we start to feel entitled, to take things for granted, then we stop acknowledging, we stop feeling genuine gratitude, and we don't pay forward our gratitude; then, we stunt the wheel of consideration.  And if this is how we interact with others, then we shouldn't be surprised when problems arise.

We have heard the adage: you're either a giver or a taker.  But I don't like to believe this.  If we are all considerate, and if we all pay forward our gratitude, then we can all be givers and receivers.  It can be a win-win for all.  But that may mean some people need to learn to be considerate--in many ways day in and day out--first.  And then they, and we all, need to practice it every single day.

Birthday Vacation

This summer Z and I decided early to take a Friday off work and have a long-weekend vacation. In a whirlwind of birthday (my 35th), I dropped Sprite off at mom's for doggysitting on Thursday morning, before work. Z and I were to leave promptly at 4:30 from our house for the grand up north.

Wouldn't you know it? As I was about 2 steps from leaving my office for the day, a crying student showed up. 45 minutes later, I actually left work. So much for leaving early (and so much for leaving my stress behind--I ended up thinking about that student for most of Thursday night). Oh well.

We left the home around 6:00, and the traffic wasn't too bad.

We stopped in Cloquet to see an Applebee's property that Z had worked on. At about 9:45pm, we made it to our cabin--a cozy little thing right on Lake Superior.

Although our cabin has such a nice location, we actually didn't spend much time at it. We went to our favorite breakfast spot--Judy's Cafe--in Two Harbors both Friday and Saturday.

On Friday, we went to Bayfield, and it was a lovely day for Apple Fest, though much warmer than usual. We were in T-Shirts! Most Apple Fest's, I am bundled up and still a little cold. We did our favorite Apple Fest things: the book sale in the library basement, having apple-delicious goodies at Erickson's Orchards, picking apples, hanging out at the used bookstore, browsing the art fair, dinner at the Pier Plaza, and fudge from Sweet Sailing candy shop. A lovely day!

We got back to the cabin around 10:00pm. It had been windy all day, and the lake was churning. We opened the window, snuggled into bed, and fell asleep to the sound of the water washing ashore. It was truly peaceful.

On Saturday, we took a new adventure. We drove over the draw bridge to the peninsula/island that branches out from Duluth. We went all the way to the end and walked on the beach a little bit. Again, the weather was gorgeous, and I counted 8 different blues as I looked out at the vast water and sky.

Canal park was too busy on such a lovely Saturday, so we went to the iron range, Virginia, MN, to see another property Z had worked on. Neither of us had ever been to Virginia, so the day really was an adventure. Off a sanctioned trail, we found an un-sanctioned breech of a fence and followed the rogue trail. The wilderness opened up to a beautiful old quarry. The tall walls of iron ore gave way to deep water. The birch trees' leaves flapped yellow-amber in the wind, and the whole seen was different from anything we'd seen before. Z especially took it all in and enjoyed it as long as he could.

On our way back home, we ate at a drive-in on the outskirts of Eveleth, and I, of course, ordered the pasty. It was pretty good, though it reminded me a lot of the pasties we had at school lunch--good, but not nearly as good as my mom's homemade pasties.

Saturday night, we got back to the cabin around 8:00pm--finally some evening to enjoy the cabin. We sat out on our deck, ate pistachios, and looked at the bonfire on the rocks.

Then we went back to the 90's and watched the original X-files movie on VHS, the most modern technology the cabin could offer. We actually had to rewind a part, and it was kind of amazing for me to realize, oh yeah, we used to do this, just sit here while the thing rewinds for a few minutes.

Today we're taking the Wisconsin route home, which will be a nice chance of pace. I'm excited to see my little Sprite Sprite!

It has been a really nice vacation, overall, and both of us enjoyed doing something a little different amidst the same-old same-old vacation.

83rd Percentile

Z informed me of a neat little tool at The Wall Street Journal where you can type in your household income, and it will tell you where you rank among other Americans.

Z and I ranked in the 83rd percentile. (Before you go thinking we're rolling the dough, read on.)

I'm shocked and saddened by this rank, for we have a fairly modest lifestyle. How do all the people--the 82% making less than we do--have a decent life, let alone any financial security?

Even though we make a good household income, we do not have much money left over at the end of each month. This is the reality DESPITE these things:

1. We bought a house that was $30,000 cheaper than what the bank approved us for (and that was back when we had only my income!). In other words, we bought a house we realistically thought we could afford. Our house payments are still $1,200 per month. It's a modest house--only 2 bedrooms and 1 bath, on a busy street.

2. We drive one car that is fully paid off and has 165,000 miles on it, and another car that is new, so we make payments on that one.

3. We do not vacation often, and when we do, we usually drive somewhere, so airfare is not a cost.

4. We do not have expensive tastes or hobbies. I buy a lot of clothes second-hand, and you'll never find us somewhere like Macy's.

5. We don't have any kids yet.

So where does all our money go?

1. We save some money each month, but it 's not nearly as much as I would like. And we've yet to reach Suze Orman's advice of having the amount of 6 months worth of bills in savings. What a joke! Who actually achieves this?

1A. Our savings dwindles down, of course, each time our house needs something: a new washer, a new dishwasher, plumbing repair, furnace and air conditioner repair, new insulation, etc.

2. We pay $600 per month in student loan payments. We pay $100 extra on the mortgage each month.

3. The dog has cost us about $2000 since we got her 8 months ago. (start up costs + surgery + random vet stuff)

4. We probably spend more money on food than is necessary.

What's the point?

What you see above is a snapshot of middle-class lifestyle. Seems pretty modest to me: a small house, a dog, two cars, no frivolous vacations or hobbies. So how come we get ahead so slowly? More importantly, why are we in the 83rd percentile of what Americans earn? So 82 percent of us have it harder than Z and me? And a lot of those 82 % have it a HELL OF LOT HARDER than we do.

This is tragic and unjust. We should be upset. We should be upset at rich people--who funnel the wealth to the top (job cuts, pay decreases or lack of pay increases, outsourcing, restructuring) and then keep the wealth for themselves!

Everyday Americans--you and me--were taught to believe in the American dream and to achieve it. Well, Z and I have! And now it's just a struggle. I am thankful for where we are at, but I am sad that many more Americans are not where we are or better!

Aren't everyday Americans hard workers who want to work and do well at their jobs? Yes! So the only solution is to redistribute the existing wealth. This can happen in only 2 ways: create jobs and increase taxes on the exceptionally rich (95% and higher?).

CEOs and Boards of corporations must stop the greed. They must create jobs, which means, yes, paying more people and paying themselves less. They must also be taxed at a higher rate. They will be able to weather the blow.

The American Dream has long been just that. But now it seems more like The American Struggle.

Goodbye to Sugar, an Update

In January of 2011, I decided to give up sugar, well heavily decrease my intake of it, that is. (To see that post, click here).

At that time, I had lost 7 pounds, down to 133 from my usual 140 pounds. Seriously restricting my sugar resulted in a loss of 4-5 pounds in about 2 weeks.

For many months, I was pretty good about watching my sugar. I let myself indulge in other things, like french fries or dark chocolate, but I pretty much said "no" to sugar-laden things like cake, cookies, ice cream, and candy. Sure, I'd have a treat once in awhile.

On my west coast trip, my weight crept up a few pounds, but in a couple weeks of being back home, I was back to my 127-128 and able to fit into my wedding dress.

Now, I am in a new challenging situation: school and full-time work. I have been throwing will to the wind, and I can see the results on the scale. I hover between 128.5 and 131.

But I did not give up sugar, originally, for the scale anyway. I gave it up for health.

So even though life is a little more stressful now, I need to remind myself: I'm healthier, more energetic, and feel better when I don't eat the sweets. I don't want to develop heart disease or cancer. So, let's get it back under control again, dear.